So it's been awhile. I've been pretty busy/lazy lately. I'm working at a day camp again this summer at my church. It's a really fun job. Tiring. And it'll likely mean I won't be able to post alot here, but it's not like my track record has been great anyway. But I'm gonna try to pick up the slack. On the days I'm not busy, I'm going to try to not be lazy. Something I've learned about myself lately, and I'm sharing this because I know I can't be the only one, is that, given my personality type, it's easy for me to just coast through life, never really going out to look for a challenge, or to improve myself. For the times I have branched out, it's mostly been from the encouragment and support of friends and family. Recently I was sitting in church, enduring a sermon that wasn't quite captivating my attention. I borrowed a piece of paper from a friend beside me, and took a pen from the pew in front of me, and began to write. This is what I came up with:
This is the day that I want to give myself to Jesus. Fully. Completely. Every aspect of my life. My art life. My social life. My romantic life. In everything, I want to rely on Jesus. He can have me, my effort. I have learned I don't like me. The way I have turned out. The thoughts I think, the actions I do, and those I don't do. I know what things I want, and have learned I don't like what I want. Jesus knows what I need and gives me that, I trust Him far more than I do myself.
I need to learn to listen to the voice of the Lord, for without it I will do nothing. I must heed that voice. We need to let God take the initiative. We just follow His command.
This decision, even though it is written down, will tomorrow mean nothing, unless I daily give my life to Jesus. Hourly, by the minutes. It will not be any easier. I have made this decision before, and I have fallen back in apathy. I must give up and let my God fight this evil in me.
"Lord, only through You can this victory come."
There is no guarantee that this will improve my life. And I am willing for the opposite, if that is His will.
This is not for me, at least, some part of me is sincere. Some small part. But that is enough. That is enough for God to use. "Use me, God. I love You.
"Wake me up, Lord. I want to actively serve You."
I've written this down here as a kind of check point. A reminder for me, and hopefully an inspiration for others. I don't want to coast through life anymore. It's no way to live, and it was never intended by God. So here is my challenge. I hope to live up to it, everyday of my life, but only through Jesus Christ. Hopefully this will not be another failed attempt at jump starting my life. The trick with this is to 'Just do it!' The trick is to not fall into a state of being where you realize how you are, and just accept it and fall into depression about how you'll never change, and you're a wretched being who doesn't deserve to exist. To make you feel better, none of use deserves to exist. But by grace, He let us continue on, even though we spit in his face, and gave him the proverbial finger. What a God!
Anyway, that's all for now. No pictures at this time worth sharing. Hopefully I'll have some very soon.
Peace be with you (how very Pauline of me),
-Howard
Post Script: If there are those of you out there who don't know the power that Christ gives to His followers, I suggest that you investigate the claims of the Bible. Pray to the God that you may or may not believe exists, and ask Him to reveil Himself to you. Your not making a decision, you're just making yourself available to finding out. Spirituality is an important part of your life, whether you now realize it or not. It has a bigger impact on the here and now than you know.
